More than anything, I’ve long been addicted to avoiding my feelings, particularly those encompassed in my struggle with social anxiety. Initially, I would drink in an effort to be social, but over time my habit became pervasive. With my continued drinking, I developed an undercurrent of depression in my life, for which I’d smoke weed to deal with. This self-medication cycle of anxiety/alcohol/depression/weed played out throughout most of my twenties.

The great turning point of my life occurred when I lost my father to a battle of clinical depression that culminated in suicide. His passing underscored my need to address my own mental health. To that point, I was preoccupied with the “band-aids” but ignoring the emotional bullet-holes beneath. The day after my Dad’s funeral I embarked on a dedicated, daily practice of meditation & mindfulness. Initially I was fueled by a need to understand my own headspace, and a desire to better cope with my depression & anxiety. Though the first few months were challenging, there was a palpable increase in self-awareness and my ability to cope with challenging emotional experiences. As I maintained my commitment to meditation & mindfulness the trend continued, ultimately leading me to a healing I never imagined possible. Depression & anxiety no longer define my life. Beyond letting go of my need to self-medicate, the practices have opened me up to a wealth of life experiences, and taught me a master class in unconditional self-love.

I would encourage anyone struggling with their mental health, regardless of whether or not those struggles manifest in addiction, to tap into the healing power of meditation. If you’re averse to the idea or think “I can’t meditate”, believe me it’s not what you think it is. Meditation doesn’t require that you “silence” your mind or sit in some fancy yoga posture for hours on end. It is not some forceful pursuit of peace, rather it’s a practice in self-acceptance…. and with practice, the self-acceptance becomes tangible, no matter how foreign it might seem right now. One breath at a time, meditation teaches us to love ourselves amid the chaos of headspace and the pain of our heart space. From that higher ground of acceptance and self-love, genuine healing and transformation become possible.