Tom’ Story- HCHD
“What used to be my signal to get some sleep, became the sound of a new life.”
I tried to convince myself and others that I was living my best life, but when I looked in the mirror, I saw the lie in my own eyes. Two children from 2 different women, married and divorced, a short-lived military career and gave up my daughter for adoption on the parking lot of the liquor store, where I worked. And I hadn’t seen my son in years but reasoned that if I kept my child support current, I couldn’t be viewed as a dead-beat dad.
The truth was, I chose addiction over everything. I was not raised this way. I came from a loving family. Though my parents divorced, they did their best to love and support both my brother and I. Unfortunately, I learned early on to manipulate and avoid consequences. My little brother Steve would be the first to go to treatment. His early experimenting with weed quickly evolved to full-blown addiction. After a possible heart attack, my parents pleaded withhim to enter a recovery program in Baltimore. I felt guilty for this because I was the one that introduced him to the party life, I forced him to smoke a joint one afternoon to ensure he couldn’t tell on me. I really believed that was what big brothers did. After treatment it didn’t take me long to realize how good his life got. It was like he became the big brother overnight. I started receiving his hand me downs. He even passed a car to me after he bought a new one, on his own. I started hearing my parents and family say how proud they were of him. How awesome it was that he had a career. And that I should probably start taking advice from him. I was jealous and afraid that I would never get a life like his.
Moving to a different state and suicide invaded my thoughts, but I knew I was too chicken to hurt myself. After another night of hard partying, I came to the hotel with a lady I didn’t know. And decided I did not want to live that any longer, so I headed to Myrtle Beach to come up with a plan. But God had a different idea; my car didn’t even make it out of Baltimore, it stopped
running in front of John’s Hopkins Bayview. I was out of options.
The next day, Aug 4, 1994, I woke to chirping birds outside my hospital window. What used to be my signal to get some sleep, became the sound of a new life. I didn’t know it then, but it was
a life without drinking or drugs. One where I had a job, making legal money. A relationship with my son, coaching his little league team. Falling in love with my incredible wife. A restored relationship with the daughter I gave away, being a grandfather and my stepdaughter calling me Dad. 28 years later, I’m living the life I always prayed I could live.
