The past 2 years have been a challenging time for me, as I know it has for many people who are in recovery. For me personally 2020 was a test of the foundation I built in my early recovery. Having nearly 4 years of sobriety I have been able to build a good foundation for myself. In early recovery I spent my time cultivating principles of discipline and integrity at a year-long recovery house for women. I spent time developing honesty and humility through step work within a fellowship and with a sponsor, and I created a dependence of faith in a power greater than myself. Over time, my life has become fuller with responsibility and accountability to myself and to others in the recovery community. This year has been challenging because of reduction in connection and personal contact with other people, and other personal hurdles I’ve had to overcome.
In my recovery, I’ve come to understand that I must be willing to sit with myself, through the good times and the bad. The reason I am able to meet these challenges and continue to maintain sobriety and grow in my recovery is because today, I know myself and I do not run away in fear as I once did. I take pride in gaining wisdom through my experiences, and building strength because of them. I have faith that each of my challenges and experiences will be a tool I can use to help someone else build their foundation. This gives me hope, and it is hope that sustains recovery. Hope can only be built through gaining strength and meaning from experience.
My recovery is rooted in Courage, Service, Humility and Responsibility. I have learned to meet the ups and downs with the same attitude “it is temporary.” Discipline and courage are vital in recovery; I continue to move forward every day without letting fear or uncertainty slow me down. I practice humility by assessing my own strengths and limitations. Today, I know when I need to ask for and accept help, and I know where I can be strong and stand on my own if I need to. I practice service by continuing to help the next person, both in recovery and within my personal circle. In addiction we become so focused on ourselves that we lose the mindset of considering the needs of others. The change of perspective from being selfish to being of service propels my recovery forward, as well as the recovery of others. I always remember that what I do matters. Large or small it sets an example and it affects others. Recovery is at its core about connection and the understanding that we are not alone.
I trust that although things are not always easy, things do get better. There are always consequences to actions, good and bad. Although they are not always instant, they are inevitable. Today I know that when I do the work I am met with the most important internal reward, which is peace.
