My story starts with my father who was an alcoholic and had six years recovery with 1 intermittent slip. He tragically passed away when I was 21 years old and he was my very best friend. I grew up in Ala-tot, Ala-teen, Ala-non and graduated as I like to call it into AA (LOL but no LOL). My addiction began in my teenage years with marijuana and grew into alcohol when I met my ex-husband at the age of 19. He was extremely abusive verbally, physically and sexually as well as psychologically. I was with him for over 16 years and we share four children together. He is now serving a 15-year sentence for abuse on me after several other incarcerations for abuse on me and his children. I like to believe that my alcoholism and drug addiction came about because of the abuse but there is no way to tell now. I do have a genetic predisposition to it so it is likely I could have become one anyway whether I had the abuse inflicted on me or not. However, the abuse definitely exacerbated my condition that had possibly lied dormant for my adolescent years.

I grew up with both of my parents who separated for a few years due to my father’s alcoholism and I’m the product of a bi-racial relationship and grew up with some stigma regarding that. Combined with my low self-esteem and low self-confidence, my racial identity was confused and aided in my insecurities which made it easier for me to drink and smoke marijuana as a teenager and in my 20s. To self-medicate and ease the abuse I was suffering, I found comfort in a bottle and later into drugs. I lost my children in my late 20s but was able to regain custody of them in 10 months through going to rehab and Outpatient Treatment and prayers and the miraculous grace of God.

Unfortunately, several years later after I remained sober for almost 3 years I lost my children again after I took their father back after he was incarcerated for his first long stint in prison. Being back with him caused so much turmoil in my house and all of the progress that I had made sober I lost within a few short months due to his abuse and infidelity. After he was incarcerated again I completely lost my mind and spirit and spiraled into the worst place I’ve ever been in my life. I found myself surrounded with people that were evil and wanted nothing more than to hurt me and ruin my life. Following just a few short months I went from an alcoholic to a drug addict and was addicted to Ritalin and Adderall as well as cocaine and ecstasy.

I’m making this story that is very long into a very short story for the sake of time. I went from Ritalin and Adderall to cocaine and then to ecstasy or Molly as I’ve known and went to each of them to get off of the other. I found my greatest comfort in Molly which I thought with my PTSD was a good medication for it and I truly felt I couldn’t survive without drugs during this time. I was at the peak of my addiction and also the lowest part of my life. I then met my now husband who is a great Christian man who loves me unconditionally and showed me what love really is and true comfort and friendship. He tried everything to get me sober but I was so gone and so lost spiritually that I felt there was no way out for me. I had many suicide attempts during my 16 years with my ex-husband but even more so during this last year of my addiction. I wanted desperately to get help but couldn’t seem to get it right. I was in many different treatments outpatient and inpatient but none seemed to work.  I couldn’t get myself sober despite how much I wanted and tried especially for my children and my family.

Finally, it got to the point where I was isolated inside of my house for 4 months and didn’t get out of the bed. I wanted nothing more but to end my life but God saw something different for me. Because of so much prayer from my family and friends and my now husband the Lord came to me on the day after Easter of 2021. I had what I now know is a spiritual awakening and I prayed very hard for several months to get to this point but I felt Jesus and his presence and I wish it was recorded but I don’t remember verbatim but I got down on my knees and made my now husband get on his and felt the Lord speaking to me. I spoke so many different verses from the Bible that I don’t even know but came out of my mouth as I know where the words of God one of the phrases I remember saying over and over was “my chains have been released!!! The chains of addiction are off of me!!!! I’m free!!!” and then going over and over and saying “he is real he is real Jesus is real!” because he made his impression on me and I felt something I’ve never felt before, nothing that a high could even compare to it was the utmost unbelievable feeling of euphoria and happiness and I had been sober for two days so it wasn’t from any substance or alcohol. I then knew that God was real and what I had been praying to was real. I did everything I could to stay sober after that but still struggled and was at the point where I had quit everything except for marijuana but was ready to quit when God intervened again and stopped it for me.

He did this through jail and rehab where I got my first 30 days sober and then I was off to the races with my sobriety. I then went to Ashley PHP and since graduated from that and IOP and now starting their OP program in addition to Family Recovery Court, SARC services, Springboard advocate services and psychiatry and therapy with Keypoint. I also go to AA/NA/Smart meetings when I can and am about to start graduate school for my Masters in Ministerial Leadership. I’ve started a small business that I want to grow into a ministry and hope to expand as a community grassroots organization. I now have hopes and dreams for my future and present goals I am working towards. I am now in the final stages of transitioning my children back home to my custody for reunification, my family and I have gotten closer thanks to God and family therapy. Today I feel excited about life, grateful for my recovery and all my experiences in my past because they not only made me who I am today but also uniquely qualifies me to help and empathize with others. Today I am no longer a victim of abuse and addiction but a SURVIVOR!