Anxiety was an inevitable part of my life; I have become convinced after years of therapy and understanding that my mental health disorder was predetermined by genetics. However, the factors leading to my flavor of anxiety was shaped through numerous experiences: being adopted, suffering from abuse as a child, feeling invalidated when expressing that abuse to trusted adults, absorbing the flood of safety advice young women are given in our society indicating that they are always in danger. I internalized that threats of peril were ubiquitous- I must always be on alter.
Once in college, I was exposed to the idea that my mind may be impacted by something other than me. The idea that “normal” people experience illnesses such as anxiety and depression was a new concept, as my exposure to people with mental health problems was limited to those with severe symptoms. I discovered that my thoughts were tainted with generalized anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, phobias, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. The extent of my imprisonment by mental illness was not clear to me until I began my recovery.
I started therapy at the college counseling center, which offered free sessions for students. Once graduating, I searched for a therapist through my insurance. It took three different therapists to get one who was the right match, but once I found her my world began to change. I explored my childhood trauma, cried for the first time in years, and allowed myself to be accepting of my imperfections. And with this acceptance, I was finally able to allow myself to experience the benefits of medication. I did not feel like I needed to “fix” myself; I could use the medical tool available through a psychiatrist to make the process less daunting.
As I have grown and encountered new mental struggles, I have sought different types of therapy with different therapists. Some taught me skills to manage through, some showed me a different perspective on my thinking. All have walked with me on the path of emancipation from my anxiety. “
