From the outside looking in, every part of my life looked normal. I was from a good family, I had two parents who were still together, I went to a good school, I had friends, I was well dressed and well taken care of, I got good grades, and I played sports, but I just never felt good enough.
The first time I drank was the first time I can remember feeling truly comfortable in my own skin. Drugs and alcohol quickly became a necessity. What once was a short reprieve from my discomfort turned into a daily, even hourly event. I became willing to do whatever it took to keep using. I dropped out of college. I alienated myself from my friends and family. I gave up my morals, values, and future. I had to have drugs no matter what damage it caused in my life.
In 2015, I was arrested. It was the first time I was willing to see the destruction I was causing. On May 29, 2015, I checked into Phoenix Recovery Center and started trying something different. Thanks to all the amazing resources and support I was offered, that is still my clean date today.
Over the last 5 years, I have completely transformed as a person. I have learned who I am and how to start forgiving myself for being human. I can show up for the people in my life and more importantly I can help the next person struggling with this disease. I have learned that I am good enough just the way I am. I am a person in long term recovery, but I am also so much more than that. I am a daughter, a friend, an employee, a fiancé, a stepmom, and I am proof that recovery is possible.