My story begins in an abusive home. My father is a recovering addict/alcoholic. He was VERY violent and I was the oldest of 4 children. My dad’s parents (my grandparents), helped raise us and life was terrifying and EXTREMELY chaotic. I can remember always wishing I could be someone else and threatening suicide as early as 9 years old. I knew from the very beginning that I was different and just didn’t fit in. I sought attention from others anyway that I could get it which was usually through sex. I also used this as a way to escape and in my sophomore year of high school I found drugs and alcohol. I FINALLY fit in… or so I thought. I had found a way to escape… until 20 years later of active addiction, living homeless, no money, my kids gone, selling myself out of strip clubs, no family because I tore those relationships apart, skinny, sunken in, psychotic, and on the verge of death (having overdosed twice). Hence the start of my journey, MY GIFT OF DESPERATION! They say in meetings all the time “when the pain gets great enough”. I had finally reached the very bottom. I got into touch with a friend in recovery, entered a rehab where I found options for long term treatment, became extremely willing, and entered The Char Hope Foundation on May 29th, 2019. I worked hard on myself there and took advantage of all they had to offer. I got a sponsor, a home group and a commitment there. I worked on step work, went to counselling, and got medicated for my mental health. I started working and holding myself accountable. I am now clean and sober, living on my own with my kids in my life and bettering myself every day. I have gained so much by being in recovery including an amazing support group. I am so grateful for my Higher Power, the 12 step programs, and all the help I’ve had along the way! If you’re working towards recovery do it ONE DAY AT A TIME! Give yourself a break. Don’t carry shame and guilt, you’re not alone, we all have a past. Make meetings, listen, and take suggestions. IF I CAN DO THIS SO CAN YOU! Never quit trying!