My addiction journey started at age 12 with marijuana and alcohol. As any adolescent, I thought this was the “cool” thing to do and attend parties. At age 16 I experimented into the pill scene and ingested 16 “triple C’s” an over-the-counter cold, cough and congestion prescription drug in 9th grade during school hours. My homeroom teacher noticed my odd behavior, slurred speech and I could barely keep my eyes open. She called the principal to call the ambulance and transport me to the hospital to have my stomach pumped.

When I look back on my high-school experience, I considered myself studious, managed to be an honors student who came from a good, loving middle class family with no history of abuse or mental illness, but I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. That being said, I started experimenting with substances early on in my life due to the exposure from friends and being integrated into “the wrong crowd of people.” I dabbled from marijuana to socially drinking but, when I turned 18, things drastically changed for me.

I graduated high school and immediately enrolled into Cecil Community College at the time trying to knock out general studies. My expectations of successfully graduating college diminished after failing my Freshman English Composition seminar twice. That’s when I became very depressed and considered myself a never-ending failure.

I started using painkillers to completely numb my thoughts and emotions. This recreational use slowly turned into continuous use and developed into full blown addiction for 3 years until the age of 21 where my family surprised me with a family intervention. Of course, I was in denial of having a drug problem but agreed with my family that I’ll go into a Suboxone maintenance program so they would get off my back per say. In the beginning of my maintenance program, I was introduced to drugs much stronger and definitely cheaper than pain killers. My absolute hands down drug of choice was heroin, not realizing that this demon will forever change my life terribly.

For many years on Suboxone while switching back and forth with heroin and selling/trading my Suboxone for my heroin use, I became pregnant with my partner’s child at the age of 25, still using heroin during my pregnancy and taking subutex instead of Suboxone since my OBGYN suggested Suboxone can be harmful than subutex. I had my son at age 26, but he could not be released from the hospital into my care because he had to go through withdrawal from my heroin and subutex use. HARDEST thing was to watch my newborn son go through traumatic withdrawals for two weeks in the hospital. But of course, that horrifying situation my newborn son had gone through did not change my ways. I was still using and was on Suboxone.

However, I overdosed at 28 years old and went into rehabilitation detox for Suboxone in Media, PA. I was in withdrawal for a long period of time and transitioned to a halfway house for a two-week period. At this time, I came back home and started using heroin again. Then, I got into trouble with the law and in 2017 was placed in adult drug-court program. I had problems with authority and being told what to do during the program that I had to be sanctioned and spent days in jail every other week. I did not obey the requirements for the program and absolutely did not want help to better myself and recover from my addiction.

On April 5th 2018, my sister came to pick me up from the Cecil County Detention Center after a sanction and I received word that my longtime partner of 14 years, my confidante and the father of my son had overdosed and died. This impacted my life in so many ways.

I went on a two-week binge of using prescription medication, marijuana, meth and crack cocaine. I had hit my lowest point after the loss of my partner and custody of my child was hanging in the balance.

While involved in adult drug-court, I met my current partner who, at the time, was also a participant in drug court, and everything changed for me. It was during this time that I learned healthy boundaries and relationships and the growth of my recovery.

After being clean and sober for a certain amount of time, I realized that I wanted something different for myself. It was as if I were experiencing life for the first time; my brain felt rejuvenated, my interest in life was renewed, and I felt newly dedicated to the life and well-being of my child.

I graduated from adult drug-court on April 26th, 2019 and have never looked back in regret, but only in amazement at the true power of the human spirit – which is what has been pushing me all along. Now I find myself a very involved mother of an energetic son, the supportive partner of a wonderful man, and the devoted daughter of my ever-long family.

This is my second chance at life. I would like to help by utilizing my story and my strength to help others find their way and their purpose. I am a living, breathing example of hope and what can be if given the right resources and a chance to thrive.