I was told from a young age that addiction ran in our family. I thought I would be more careful than they were. In the 8th grade I lied to my friends about drinking and smoking weed because I wanted to be the “cool” kid at school. When I got to high school I fully succumbed to the peer pressure and my obsession began.

I was consumed by how my friends and I were going to get alcohol for the weekend. My insecurities were silenced when I drank and I couldn’t wait to feel the courage alcohol gave me. I did not drink every day, but I would binge drink to the point of blackouts frequently. I only cared about popularity and partying. The relationship with my family fell apart.

I joined a sorority my freshman year of college. I felt great to be a part of a popular, exclusive group and quickly found people who drank and did drugs like me. In hindsight, I was always surrounding myself with a crowd that made my substance abuse seem normal.

I started using stronger drugs, but I convinced myself I was fine. I had a job, decent grades, friends, and was vice president of my sorority. The drinking and drug use were just the next level of my coveted party lifestyle.

As my disease progressed it became harder to assure myself that nothing was wrong. I was kicked out of my sorority for a drug-related incident and lost my position as vice president. I felt as though my identity had been stripped from me. I believed that you couldn’t get addicted to weed, but there I was, getting high every day. I told myself I don’t have a problem with drinking because I have never gone to the hospital for alcohol poisoning. I was smarter than those kids.

My 21st birthday was a turning point. I woke up in the hospital alone after my first day of “legal” drinking. My parents knew I needed help and hosted a small intervention. At first, I was reluctant. I kept telling myself it was only weed. I was in denial about the other drugs I was doing or the fact my drinking had landed me in the hospital. I had a moment of clarity. I realized I was not going to live much longer if I continued the way I was going. Thankfully, my life doesn’t look that dark now. I have a beautiful relationship with my family. I have found the camaraderie that I was searching for that a sorority and exclusive friend group couldn’t fill for me. I have confidence today without drink or drug use. My sobriety is the most important thing to me today. I never want to be an insecure, fear-filled girl who felt she wasn’t deserving of happiness again.