My name is Scott and I am an alcoholic. I’m the only addict that I know of in my family. I started drinking when I was 15 and fell in love with the feeling. Underage drinking was forbidden by my parents, but when no one was around I crossed every line. I’ve never had a regard for repercussions. I didn’t realize these were alcoholic tendencies.
After graduating high school, I attended a university. I was suspended after 3 years. I used alcohol to numb my thoughts and cope with the negative feelings. I started isolating myself from friends and family. I tried to finish my degree, but my days revolved around how and when I would drink. I thought drinking was just what I needed to get through my day. I thought once I finished school and started my career, life would be magically better, all of my problems would disappear. I couldn’t see how bad things had gotten. Drinking took the top spot of every list I made and I couldn’t go a day without it. My pride kept me from asking for help and I spiraled down a chasm of self-pity, anxiety, and depression.
When I was 27 I started asking for help and eventually agreed to go to rehab. I hated the first week. How had this become my life?
Over the next three weeks I warmed to the counselor’s suggestions. I realized my way wasn’t working and I had to move forward or I was going to repeat the same mistakes. At the end of rehab, I was told to go to a long-term recovery house because going home would put me at risk for falling into old habits. I was against the idea at first. Now I know it was the right decision. Left to my own devices, drinking was my only coping strategy.
The last five months at this house have not been easy. I had to tackle everything from small bumps in the road to giant mountains. I was forced into uncomfortable situations that helped me grow mentally. And with the help of a sponsor and Alcoholics Anonymous I’ve learned how to take responsibility for my life.
The steps of A.A. are simple, but the work is harder than I thought it would be. The simplest version is to trust God, clean house, and help others. Nothing in life is a quick fix. I had to surrender the idea of instant gratification. However, by fearlessly addressing each step I’ve been able to build a foundation and I had a massive support system to help me. Now with the help of A.A. and my Higher Power, I’m able to look back and forgive the mistakes I’ve made. Today I’m okay with who I am as an alcoholic and an addict. I know my Higher Power is guiding me to become the best son, friend, and person that I can be. Although my mistakes took me down a harder road than most people, I’m starting down a path that will lead me to spiritual and mental freedom that I could have never imagined and a life I could only dreamed of.
